Disclosure
I’ve reached that point. That point at which I’m holding back what I write in this weblog based on who I know is reading. And that pains me. I started this weblog with the decision that I would make every effort to avoid this sort of thing, and to a point I’ve been successful with that. There have been some cryptic posts, and some posts that were meant for only certain people to understand, but until the last couple of weeks, I hadn’t held back based on who was reading.
That’s changed now, and while I hope to find my way back to posting often and without regard for the readership, I have to wonder if this was inevitable. This might just be a sign of my site finally growing up. Or of my selling out. Deep down, however, I believe that it needn’t be this way. It reflects my value judgements, and I fear I’ve been ignoring what I actually value.
So here’s hoping that I post what I want, and feel, and mean, and that I don’t mangle too many relationships in doing so.
Comments
I don’t think the “social maneuverings” concept is all that relevant here. This is a weblog targeted at a semi-wide audience of people I know. It’s not a personal conversation I’m having with one or two people in which I can perform non-verbal signals. This is mostly broadcast (with feedback after the fact).
I held back on posting those things based on a single person. They weren’t things I thought and might have written down or told a few people — they were pieces of my life that I would be comfortable sharing with almost everyone. So it’s a bit hard to accept that keeping it private from everyone is completely understandable and to be expected.
I absolutely feel that that was the wrong choice, and I’m working to keep myself from holding back like that again. This weblog is an ongoing effort to remain open and honest with myself and the people I know about what I’m thinking and feeling.
Posted by: kasei on November 20th, 2003 10:49 PM
i think that’s perfectly normal. no one has one true personality that they can conveniently present to the world (contrary to what friendster would have you believe). while you may be one person to yourself, to the world you present many different perspectives of who you are. danah boyd explain the idea much better at http://www.zephoria.org/snt/archives/000778.html.
also, contrary to your (and my) wishes, people don’t always communicate explicitly. trying to say everything you think in your blog is not how you communicate in real life. in real life, you give non-verbal signals, you hint at things, you leave certain things unsaid, etc. because that’s how social relationships work. and while i still believe in never lying to people (which not everyone will agree with), i’ve come to believe that the vague social maneuverings we perform in our daily interactions with people are a necessary part of communication.
Posted by: gary on November 20th, 2003 5:46 PM